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Although some amount of perfectionism is present in every blusher-length blind and award album — in every hand-lettered invitation, argent block knife and, lately, every amber bubbler that a helpmate feels she charge accept — this perfectionism, bells professionals say, has ballooned into an obsession.

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”We accept bodies who accept meltdowns over what hankie to buy,” said Barbara Barrett, the buyer of the Conjugal Mall in Niantic, Conn., who in allotment blames the media’s focus on abundant weddings and what she calls ”the brainless romance” of absoluteness television.

Mindy Weiss, a Beverly Hills affair artist who helped the extra Kate Beckinsale with her May nuptials, and Ms. Simpson in 2002, said she gets e-mail letters every anniversary from brides-to-be allurement how they can accept a bells like Ms. Simpson’s on a account of beneath than $20,000. Ms. Weiss advises them to besprinkle candles about the room. ”I absolutely feel for them,” said Ms. Weiss, whose audience about accept budgets of added than $100,000.

One California bride, on a adventure to be admeasurement 8 by her bells day, had her aperture active shut for two months. ”She could alone eat through a straw,” said Monique Lhuillier, a Los Angeles conjugal artist who fabricated the woman’s dress. And added of her customers, Ms. Lhuillier said, are affairs two gowns — a acceptable appearance to amuse their mothers for the commemoration and a second, trendier archetypal to abrasion during the reception.

Natalie Fritz, a lingerie artist in Los Angeles, has apparent accompany transform into Bridezilla, alike Groomzilla, a bogeyman she wants to abstain back she marries Rick Eid, a television writer, in September in Carmel, Calif.

Ms. Fritz, 31, who is attached her bedfellow account to 150, said, ”I absolutely feel the burden to do article memorable.” She will accept a ambrosia bar and will accelerate guests home with sacks of amber dent accolade and cartons of milk.

This actuation to be altered is not bedfast to the coasts. A decade ago it would accept absurd to authority a bells on Aruba or Hawaii and about-face it into a weekend of spa treatments and golf matches for your guests. But this year some 200,000 American couples — about one in every 10 — will do aloof that, authoritative the destination bells the fastest growing articulation of the $50 billion conjugal industry.

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Marcy Blum, a New York bells planner, recalls her skepticism back Disney approached her, in 1991, about developing a bells business in Orlando, Fla. ”I told them, this is the stupidest affair I’ve anytime heard of,”’ Ms. Blum said. Back then, 22,000 couples accept been wed there, a Disney backer said, breeding tens of millions of dollars in acquirement from hotels and admissions.

”The media and Internet accept played such a big role in all this,” said Mary Bernstein, an Omaha bells artist who had a applicant wed in a alternation depot, an accident featured in Martha Stewart Weddings magazine. ”Now every helpmate wants article different.”

The media are absolutely culprits, says Katherine Jellison, an Ohio University history assistant who is alive on a abstraction of American weddings back World War II. But, as Dr. Jellison credibility out, the media accept continued been bedeviled with weddings; in the 1950’s, NBC had a appearance alleged ”Bride and Groom” with absolute couples. ”So the abnormality isn’t new,” she said. ”It’s aloof been ratcheted up to the nth degree.”

Far added adverse to her is the bulletin that the media, and the bells industry, now accord adolescent women. ”The bulletin is: ‘Spend time on yourself, not on your moral or bookish development, but on announcement yourself,”’ Dr. Jellison said.

However, bells professionals in the trenches tend to appearance this development added harshly. ”I wouldn’t appetite my audience to apprehend me say this,” a banker said, ”but I anticipate it’s because we’ve aloft a bearing of baby brats. Aggregate is about them — ‘me, me, me.”’

In New York, the actuation to be altered is added aggravated by competitiveness. ”You can’t acquaint me there is a New Yorker who doesn’t appetite to be original,” said Jordana Sandler, 30, whose accession in May at Gotham Hall included a sit-down banquet for 215 and ”Jordana’s brownies,” a admired of her husband’s.

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Ms. Blum said she has apparent a abolitionist about-face in accent in the accomplished few years. ”It acclimated to be that if you capital to appearance you were rich, you went to the Pierre,” said Ms. Blum, who helped Padma Lakshmi, an Indian extra and model, and the columnist Salman Rushdie with their April nuptials, which had an Anglo-Indian theme. ”Now it’s not abundant to appearance you’re rich, you’ve got to appearance you’re creative. That’s the message.”

To earlier ancestors of brides, who conceivably got affiliated in Priscilla of Boston dresses with receptions in their parents’ backyards or at bounded country clubs, the angle of receptions with sushi ”stations” and amber fountains, or vows accounting out in calligraphy on the alley agent — strains the imagination. Whatever happened to the afternoon bells followed by block and punch?

”Have you heard of an M.N.P?” said Gerard Monaghan, admiral of the Association of Conjugal Consultants, a barter organization. ”It’s a accession with mints, basics and punch. They’re still actual accepted in the South.”

Influenced by the sugarplum pages of Martha Stewart Weddings, active to the names of celebrity designers and bent to accept a bells that emphasizes not alone her aftertaste and personality but additionally the ability of her choices, today’s helpmate is absurd to see the advantage in bowls of Jordan almonds.

”This is a bearing of awful branded consumers,” said Nina Lawrence, carnality admiral and administrator of the Fairchild Conjugal Group, which includes Bride’s and Modern Helpmate magazines.

The boilerplate American brace spends $22,300 for their wedding, according to a 2002 analysis by Fairchild Conjugal InfoBank. In New York and Washington, the boilerplate is $35,000 (and, in reality, say caterers, afterpiece to $50,000). Alike acceptance added and added couples are advantageous for their own weddings or pooling ancestors resources, acclaim administration companies accept apparent a acceleration in wedding-related debt.

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And Ms. Barrett, of the Conjugal Mall in Connecticut, said: ”I anticipate some of the franticness I’m seeing in brides is because they apperceive they’re overextended. Their acclaim cards are maxed out.”

But a added absolute indicator of bells attraction may be the cardinal of experts now operating in the field. Although the cardinal of marriages performed in the United States has remained abiding for 20 years — about 2.3 actor — the cardinal of bells planners has risen 25 percent in the accomplished 18 months to 7,000, according to the conjugal consultants group.

”Like aggregate else, the industry has gone from actuality a mom-and-pop business to a awful specialized one,” said the bells artist Colin Cowie. In accession to books and a cable television show, Mr. Cowie now has a accord with J.C. Penney to aftermath a band of conjugal articles and services, so that lower-and middle-income consumers can account from the ability he has lavished on big spenders, like the Mexican helpmate who beatific her family’s clandestine jet to aces up her cake.

But specialization has additionally led to an access of products, putting added ache on budgets — and, in some cases, authoritative chiselers and penny pinchers of brides as they try to skimp on one adornment to accept another. ”There are aloof too abounding choices,” said Ms. Barrett, acquainted that the latest acerbity to hit her breadth is the $300 preserved bouquet, freeze-dried and beneath glass.

Ms. Blum sees hopeful signs of a retreat. For the aboriginal time in years, she said, brides are cogent her they appetite the acceptable aboriginal ball and to bung their bouquets.

The flight of the Wisconsin bells block additionally illustrates that weddings, like life, hardly go as planned. The block had a aflutter ride, causing a stabilizing rod amid the layers to snap, said the bride’s mother, Janet Hanson. But while a disappointment, it was not a absolute loss. Mrs. Hanson and her daughter, Dawn, who is a flight attendant, adopted a affectation copy from a bounded bakery for the photos, and served up Mrs. Weinstock’s block anyway.

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”It was above compare,” said Mrs. Hanson, acceptance that her accompany were a little abashed by the abstraction of a aerial cake.

But she appropriate that why they did it was no secret: ”We heard about Sylvia on ‘Regis and Kathy Lee.”’

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