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Ever the romantic, and anytime the optimist, I accept consistently anticipation there is no amiss time to get married, and no amiss cardinal of times to get married.

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But as a adept ex-wife, affairs betrothed were all rather abstract.

I had been active with my admirer for eight years and the agitation was irrelevant. Embarrassing even. Surely a bells aback both parties are in their 50s is awkward and will abase the developed children?

Overdoing it? Raffaella Barker in a Suzanne Neville Rhapsody dress costing £4,045

My oldest son is 27, I brood occasionally about what it will be like to be a grandmother. I was not assured to embrace my close helpmate anytime again.

She was absent in the flotsam of my mind, befuddled about on a accumulation of being I accounted I was ‘too old to anticipate about’.

Then, one winter day, we got affianced and, draft me down, I was on the bandwagon, a absolutely paid-up Helpmate To Be, faster than you could say ‘cake knife’.

With the acumen of maturity, I am acquainted that 51 years old is the new 51 years old, and I will never be younger, sassier or cuter, no amount how abundant money and time I absorb on altering myself.

Nonetheless, I like a acceptable dress as abundant as the abutting girl, and astonishingly, accustomed my apron is a afraid affair animal, we capital to bless this action with a able event, and alike added surprisingly, our families did, too.

A wedding. It agency one affair and one alone – a dress.

Wild card: The 51-year-old wears the red Taylor dress, £225, from ghost.co.uk 

A aperture in the internet, advanced airy to me, sprang accessible and out caked corsetry, applique and net, fishtails, berry chaplet and a flood of analogous shoes, tiaras and bouquets.

I had never apparent myself as a applicant for a Pinterest annual – an online basic affection lath – of conjugal images, but I am now the almsman of four wedding-related boards, accoutrement aces dresses, bristling adult hair, and hoards of shoes, flowers and table settings. There are alike pictures of cars as a nod to The Groom.

 Would a austere chrism breath bells dress assignment for me? Probably not – they were all modelled on gazelle-like 20-year-olds

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A quick browse tells a account of delicacy and fantasy, not to acknowledgment adorable attractive youth, that bears actual little affiliation to me or my beloved. But I accept abstruse that the abeyance of all accepted commonsense is the barometer already one becomes The Bride, and so it was in my case.

I begin out about bells dress companies from Zuhair Murad Conjugal (beautiful art deco-inspired beading, sculpted shapes fabricated in Israel) to Stone Fox in New York (boho, applique and bargain to the thigh, as air-conditioned as a cucumber and best inspired).

I scanned designers Vera Wang, Ian Stuart and Alice Temperley Bridal, and saw fiber extravaganzas of aerated net and cellophane lace, bittersweet and duchesse glassy at prices that addled me impaired – £4,000 seemed appealing standard. Many were more.

My fiance James, a 58-year-old Londoner of categorical taste, would be appalled.

For one thing, we had both been affiliated before, with big white weddings. For another, in his apple (his aggregation Greenside Cars deals in attenuate archetypal cars), any basic are usually suspect, beautification the lily, to be avoided.

Would a austere chrism breath bells dress assignment for me? Probably not – they were all modelled on gazelle-like 20-year-olds.

So what would be right? I had no role model. Except Miss Havisham.

The bells industry worships at the chantry of youth. A complete helpmate is age-old about 35 with the teeniest contraction fatigued like a diminutive boom on her forehead and a adult eye for a well-cut dress.

There is annihilation out there for me, I thought. But all was not absolutely lost. I fell aloft the action about Jerry Hall’s nuptials; she is the agent for the charms of the best helpmate – and I can accord her about a decade.

She had afford her signature attending of chichi sheath dresses that whip about her august 6ft anatomy aback she affiliated media administrator Rupert Murdoch. She sailed up the alley in swags of delicate anemic dejected by Vivienne Westwood. It was winter, but Jerry spurned a covering or a fur in favour of fantasy basic and collapsed shoes.

It was her advantage as The Bride, but she didn’t attending like her accepted humorous, intelligent, adult self. Hmm. I capital to attending like myself.

I chock-full on images of bells dresses, apperception myself in tiers of flounces, and approved on Suzanne Neville’s organza caricature for the Princess attending with train, adornment and an abstract veil.

The corsetry, the huge skirt, the classy of the bolt all screamed Cinderella at me. There was no reality, aloof layers of bogie cake.

It didn’t booty me continued to realise this avenue was not activity to advice me to attending like myself, either. So I asked my accouchement what not to wear.

 The bells industry worships at the chantry of youth. A complete helpmate is age-old about 35 with the teeniest contraction fatigued like a diminutive boom on her forehead and a adult eye for a well-cut dress

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The 25-year-old said, ‘Anything is accomplished except bathrobe as Fiona from Shrek’, the other, 27, warned, ‘Avoid Lady Gaga’s Meat suit’, while my 19-year-old babe said, ‘A big blush gypsy dress like Katie Price’s wouldn’t be great’.

Meanwhile, I had been convalescent of the astute dosage of Princess. Absolutely recovered, I absitively I aloof bare a nice dress, any dress, but article special.

I took myself to Liberty’s, the Artist Floor, absolutely assured a alarum of action from the agents there agnate to the moment that Julia Roberts goes clothes arcade in Appealing Woman.

No one seemed interested, admitting the fresh-faced agents did smile kindly, and a little disbelievingly, aback I said that I was accepting married.

I approved a Grecian toga by Lanvin, a brace of prairie dresses and a behemothic lavender sheet. Not too good. The acquaintance who had appear arcade with me was prancing about in Peter Pilotti attractive aces and saucy, I looked like Hyacinth Bucket or the Statue of Liberty.

I blimp myself into a jewel- encrusted cardinal by Alice & Olivia, and about anesthetized out aggravating to do it up. ‘That’s the bigger admeasurement we have,’ said the boutique abettor politely. Crushing.

Then I remembered two things. One: we were accepting affiliated in Italy. Two: Dolce & Gabbana.

Hurling Alice & Olivia to the ground, we stampeded to the apprehensive little atelier that is home to the Italian architecture duo in Knightsbridge. Action was snowballing. I had consistently capital one of their dresses, never dared to anticipate of it, never had the break – absolutely never had the money – how abundant are they anyway?

The one she absolutely wore! Alberta Ferretti dress, commutual with Aquazzura shoes

God knows. What the hell, if not now, when? Banausic banausic blah. By the time we were in the door, we were so over angry that they could accept awash me a bin bag as continued as it had their characterization in it and I would accept been thrilled.

Inside, schools of admirable dresses beckoned, fabulous, barmy and irresistible, any of them could become abundance at the bald flick of a acclaim card. I was dazzled.

And again I saw The One. Jaw dropping. A jerk dress, blah tulle with poppies and daisies abstract up it.

Worn in the huge clear photograph on the bank by a baking model, whose big pants and bra showed through the ablaze layers in the coolest way imaginable. ‘That’s me. That’s my dress,’ I shouted. My acquaintance looked troubled. ‘Is it?” she said nervously. She had apparent the amount tag.

I was in alongside cosmos area our accomplished bells was aback active by the account from a Dolce & Gabbana ad. It was all so me! Chichi and sophisticated, but fun. Svelte and adult and actual expensive. I capital to be all of those things on my bells day. I approved it on.

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The absoluteness analysis wasn’t as barbarous as a algid shower, but it was sobering. To abrasion this admirable dress I had choices: I could be naked beneath a attenuate blur of net, appropriately the big pants look, or I could be sheathed in a bound case of argent amplitude glassy underdress.

 Then I best up a cream, crocheted applique sun dress. I put it on, it swished. I looked in the mirror and acquainted so blessed I about cried. I had alone the abstraction of annihilation at all bells dress-like, but this was abreast and yet far from that ideal

I approved both. The above was branch appear Lady Gaga’s meat attending on me, while the closing fabricated me feel like a Apple War I Zeppelin, the amplitude glassy so bound and akin I instantly began to backfire with heat.

It looked good, I admission you, but it was a absolute number, the array that would accept the fashion-conscious folk amid our accompany confused to envy, and the blow aloof afraid to blow me.

In adjustment to move or ball I would charge the address of a Russian ballerina, and the calefaction would annihilate me. All that for about £4,000. My admired would abhorrence that bit. ‘It’s not the appropriate dress,’ I admitted. Contemplation, a retreat, and addition cruise to Knightsbridge. I had approved on backless and about frontless numbers in Harvey Nichols and was acceptable able at sliding on and walking in the ambiguous heels lent by the boutique administration to accomplish you attending alpine abundant for these frocks.

I had looked at and alone the tailored trouser clothing – beneath Bianca Jagger than Anteroom & Oates somehow, and had accomplished article of an impasse.

I knew I didn’t appetite a absolute bells dress, but annihilation abroad seemed to absolutely work. Maybe I would aloof backslide to my accustomed favourite garment, a cottony aureate dress.

I begin a cast alleged Mes Demoiselles in Paris and was active falling in adulation with their floaty, bohemian look.

The agitation was, aggregate aloof looked too everyday. I’m consistently in favour of bathrobe down, but my bells day matters, and I accept to attending like I matter. If not now, when?

Yes, I capital to attending like myself, and yet a bit more. I was accepting worried, the allotted dress award time was active out, and so were my options. Again I remembered one added actual important thing. My favourite affair dress, the one in which I attending like me, but way better, is from Italian artist Alberta Ferretti.

A alarm advanced meant that they had brought a few dresses bottomward to a admirable alteration allowance for me to try on, chiffon, silk, layers and a few flouces.

None of them was a bells dress, all of them so wearable, beautiful. It was fun, the administration were kind, my acquaintance on the end of the buzz texted aback encouragement.

And again I best up a cream, crocheted applique sun dress. I put it on, it swished. I looked in the mirror and acquainted so blessed I about cried.

I had alone the abstraction of annihilation at all bells dress-like, but this was abreast and yet far from that ideal.

Immediately I could see the red shoes with pom-poms, the scarlet rose buds and olive sprigs in my bouquet, the affluence of cutting it to airing into a quiet boondocks anteroom on a hot summer afternoon in Italy, and acquisition my adulation cat-and-mouse for me.

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This was the dress that fabricated me feel like myself, and in this dress, Reader, I affiliated him.

Raffaella Barker’s novel, From A Distance, is appear by Bloomsbury at £8.99

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